Allreal

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.

Hebrews 11:1

“Drop the anchor,” Paul says, “let’s hear it sing, brothers, drop it. Drop it now.” His nose twitches. As he walks off I watch him pull his arms in and out of his tunic. Pop, pop. They dive in and out like crab legs.

Ship? I think he means boat. Anchor? He probably means fishing lines.

“We are searching for promises,” Paul says while he buckles outward. His face goes stony. What is the sign, I ask, what are we waiting for? Paul doesn’t move, his arms kick outward like concrete branches when, finally, he says, “you’ll know it by the lick.”

He is angry.

I look down at the oaky floorboards. The lick, yes, the taste. How truth is like a flavor upon taste-buds. They are wanting, they want more.

I feel his eyes as if they were mine. They crease with anger, frustration, that the voyage might fail.

It already failed.

How strange a thing, this thing we call faith. Faith with assurance, no that is wrong, faith is the assurance of things hoped for. Read that again, the assurance of things hoped for. It is too late if you blink, turn, twist from that assurance. Like the lack of desire proves what was never there. Hope either grows, or, it doesn’t exist.

“Draw it up,” Paul says to me, “draw me what you want to find.” Standing on the railing of our little boat Paul scans the horizon. “Take your time,” Paul says encouragingly, “it might have to be bold.”

If I draw anything, that faith- I will then know, will have been there. Paul will know.

Like Solomon asked two women, arguing over a child, said: split the child. A woman terrified, bit her lip. Another said, stop. One woman’s thoughts materialized. Her faith stood and took it’s first steps. The one who said, stop, let down her anchor. Blessed were those in ear-shot to see a promise.

“Beautiful!” Paul wailed. He took the sticks from my hands, patted them, then poked the others. “No,” he quickly stopped my words, “we already know.”

The day my desires broke from behind the wall of my body. The day, I realized, others could see my desires. This was the day I realized where everything was headed, everything is headed toward a promise. The promise, I call, allreal.

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About Rene Diebenkorn

Lifetime Artist. ETC.

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